Did Opera save my faith?

Oh, the problem of suffering. The problem of pain. As a philosophy major, this is a topic that I had a keen interest in. It is very, very thorny. To have an intellectual discussion about it is probably a slap in the face to anyone who's ever lost a loved one, gone through the agony of cancer, or been through some horrific situations, whether it be war, famine, domestic violence or abuse, neglect, being ignored (I think of the, “They ignore me.” confession in The Breakfast Club).

If you’ve ever read about the problem philosophically, it’s a major issue in the philosophy of religion. But it’s one thing to treat it as a logical puzzle (though that has it’s place), but to actually FEEL the problem is worlds away.

Don’t get me wrong! There is A PLACE for intellectual discussion. Psychologically, it might console some people. It comes in many different forms from many different philosophers, but I think we can sum up the skeleton of it in this clip from William Lane Craig. The tone is systematic and the logic is airtight. But don’t we as humans - and not just rational robots - need more? If someone wants to keep the talk on this level, they can. But I think this misses an important dimension to all facets of this very pressing riddle:



The emotional part is even put in a logical context. But we still don't feel it. I think this is more important psychologically, and so more relevant for someone who might change their mind. I think that once I FEEL IT, I can think about it in a better perspective. It’s one thing to write “war, famine, domestic violence, etc . . .”: another is to FEEL it. To begin to see the problem with this feeling, watch this first:



I notice the guy shooting the priest, almost as if to suggest that religion, or Christianity in particular, doesn’t have the answer. I FEEL the problem now. I have a knot in my gut. This is how Russian writer Dostoyevsky wanted to deal with it. Every consciousness, every soul, when we really think about it, has to come to grips with this. But not only here, in the world, but INSIDE our own lives. It’s such a obstacle!! I listen to philosophical arguments with a strained patience. EVEN IF THEY’RE SOUND, I still FEEL the knot. It hurts.

So, this is my autobiographical account about how I think suffering and pain and evil need to be ultimately answered. But I hesitate!!! This isn’t a math problem. This clicked for me and me only. I blog about it here because the solution for me came from an unlikely source: from a movie.

The movie is called Philadelphia (1993) and it stars Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington. It’s the story about a lawyer (Hanks) who gets AIDS and is unjustly discriminated against and fired by his homophobic boss. He plans to sue and picks as his representation another lawyer (played by Washington). The movie is mainly about Washington’s character learning about the humanity of homosexuals in general, and AIDS victims in particular.

But there is one scene - for me - that is the most powerful scene in the history of the movies I’ve seen. It is profound. It has illuminated the book of Job. It has - in a very, very, extremely inexplicable and mysterious and puzzling way - solved the problem of suffering for me, and it makes all the wire-drawn reasoning of every philosopher and theologian seem like cheap straw. This scene hits home and underlines - in an artistic, indirect, emotional, and cathartic way - what the mystics write about. Here it is:



Maria Callas! Opera! La Mamma Morta! Philadelphia? Who would have thought? The power of this scene leaves me breathless and I have no words, just like Job put his hand over his mouth and repented in dust and ashes. Pay attention also to what’s said.

Maddalena loses her house in a fire in The French Revolution. The music is so powerful! I can’t explain it. That’s the point. You just FEEL it! Can you FEEL it, Joe? It comes in the strings first, which is HOPE. It changes again. Listen. Then it comes. It's quick, but you have to pay attention. I BRING SORROW TO THOSE WHO LOVE ME. That line is profound. I bring sorrow to those who love me. Ponder that. I can’t explain; you just have to ponder it. It’s almost as if sorrow itself is a mystical, magical portal to the divine. So counterintuitive! So paradoxical! Oh, that single cello!

IT WAS DURING THIS SORROW THAT LOVE CAME TO ME.

A VOICE FILLED WITH HARMONY.

IT SAID LIVE STILL.

I AM LIFE.

HEAVEN IS IN YOUR EYES.

Listen to the music.

IS EVERYTHING AROUND YOU JUST THE BLOOD AND THE MUD?

I AM DIVINE. I AM OBLIVION. I AM THE GOD, WHO COMES DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS TO THE EARTH AND MAKES OF THE EARTH, A HEAVEN!!!!!

I am LOVE. LOVE!!!!!!!! I am love.

To experience this healing in our own lives is to treat, solve, and experience the “problem of suffering” in the right context. I don’t even feel like writing anymore. Writing ruins it. You just feel it. Anytime I hear someone callously talking about this, I just think of this scene and how in the right timing, this LOVE (God is Love) meets you in that hidden place.